DR AL!
by EchoCIDE
Summary: A man of honor, wisdom and hickory smoked something or other! Witness as Dr. Al rises to power and eats a few a teddy bears along the way! It's the greatest film of this millenia!


Well...this is basically a skit known as Dr. Tran. I decided to write it as Wesker as the one hearing the announcer guy talk about him. DR. AL! Umm...enjoy? I was bored...

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><p><em>(We find ourselves looking down upon the working form of one Albert Wesker, head researcher of Umbrella's viral development branch. He is hard at work on a new strain of virus that he will be presenting to his boss, Mr. Spencer, but suddenly he hears something strange in the background of his one man occupied lab. Let us watch and see how he reacts.)<em>

**-strange trumpet music begins to play for only a moment before fading out and we hear a rooster making it's call-**

"..."

**He is a man of action... **

_(Wesker's eyes raise up a bit as he attempts to locate the source of that strange voice overhead)_

**He is a man of honor...**

"Excuse me?"

**He is a man of duty!**

"Are you speaking to me? Show yourself!"

_(Suddenly a piano begins to play and the anticipation rises, Wesker merely stands there a bit miffed and weirded out)_

**Here comes -swords clashing- Dr. Al!**

"Where the hell is that voice originating from?"

**This summer, everyone's favorite action hero returns!**

"Preposterous!"

**And his name is...Dr. Al!**

**"**Well...yes I am a doctor but I-"

**He's a real doctor!**

**Not only is he a real doctor, he's a dashing special agent with a PhD in KICKING YOUR ASS!**

_(Self satisfied smirk)_

"Wonderful, but I am afraid you must leave now. It is imperative that I finish this work."

**He's a true American Legend!**

_(Glares)_

**From America!**

"My boss will be here shortly! I must finish my work now!"

**When America needs saving, Dr. Al delivers!**

"I would never save this pathetic country."

**I promise!**

"Who told you where I was? Was it Krauser? I demand you silence yourself at once!"

**You've made Dr. Al the legend he is today, by mindlessly attending over 30,000 of his hit films: Operation, Dr. Al; 3,2,1 Dr. Al; Oh Shit! It's Dr. Al.**

"GET OUT OF HERE!"

**It isn't good for Dr. Al to get so angry, he should know better...after all...**

_(Rolls eyes dramatically)_

**He's a doctor!**

"Stop telling lies! I need silence to finish my work, or I will have you disposed of...creepy announcer voice.."

**See him defending freedom!**

"More. Lying." _(Seething glare at...nothing...)_

**Witness him battling the evil forces!**

"I am the evil forces!"

**Watch him kill his own HUNK. With a broken lawnchair!**

"But I...love...HUNK..." _(Sadface)_

**It's a tough job, but Dr. Al bites the bullet: and he does it!**

_(Drops to knees melodramtically) _"Noooo! Stop it!"

**And then he's off to eat Hickory Smoked Horse Buttholes!**

_(_O.O_) _"Hickory what! Smoked what! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"

**From a cup!**

"I will most certainly not!"

**Yes he will.**

"I hate you. I will kill you when I find you."

**Now, you can own every one of Dr. Al's films in the new 'Dr. Al: 30,000 DVD Box Set"! Classic titles include:**

**Dr. Al Meets His Match**

**Dr. Al Has A Chat With A Mormon Child**

**Dr. Al Visits Satan**

**Dr. Al Doles Out The Harshness**

**Q is for Dr. Al and Dr. Al! 3D!**

"What the hell are you doing!"

**Dr. Al doesn't take your shit. One step over that line and he'll...FUCK YOU UP!**

"I'm about to fuck _you _up."

**Nobody FUCKS YOU UP like Dr. Al... Nobody.**

_(begins to load his bullets into his gun) _"Not sure if these are for me or Mr. Announcer but we'll see."

**Listen to how much YOU the consumer loves Dr. Al!**

_**Jill Valentine: If you are referring to Wesker, he's a dick. A big jerky dick. **_

_**Random Zombie: RAWR GRRRR OOOOOHHH**_

**People everywhere agree!**

_**Chris Redfield: He ruined our lives! And who are you!**_

_**Some random child on the street: Dr. Al kicked sand in my eyes, took my candy and stuck his tongue out at me and ate my teddy bear.**_

**Dr. Al is a role model for the community! And a doctor!**

"I never did that! Who is that child! I demand to know the name of the little brat who-"

**Women are crazy! For Dr. Al!**

"I do not need women! I have the T-virus!"

**But Dr. Al sets em' straight with a Good. Hot. Dicking!**

_(blinks)_

**Dr. Al is giving away the Hot. Dickings!**

_(breathes deeply and hisses)_

**In fact, Dr. Al will be down at your local record store this Tuesday from 4 til 9, just giving out Hot. Dickings! **

_(fashioning a noose from his lab coat)_

**JUST PASSIN' EM' OUT!**

**Hot!**

"ARGH!"

**DICKINGS!**

**Come and get em'!**

"That is it! I cannot and will not stand for this anymore!"

**American. DICKINGS!**

_(running around the room in a frantic state of whackjobiness) _"HICKORY SMOKED IS SO CRAZY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

**Patriotic!**

"You're making my head hurt so bad!"

**COWBOY HAT!**

"I...AHA!"

**Take one for the team!**

"I can't take this anymore. You're more insane than I am!"

**Oh my god. Look at that fat cock.**

** -rooster cries in the background-**

**Sorry Doctor, that was fucked up.**

"HOW LEWD!"

**This summer, fill up some time with America's number one commodity!**

"You've done it now! No one calls Welbert Asker a commodity! I mean- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"

**He's different!**

**He's entertaining!**

"I'm sorry! If this is my punishment! I'm sorry! The BSAA couldn't be worse than this. TORTURE!"

**HERE COMES THE ACTION!**

**HERE COMES THE HONOR!**

"I'll never be the same! All my hair gel is gone! Look at what you've done! My bananas are on sidewaaaaays!"

**HERE COMES THE DUTY!**

"WHAT'S HAPPENING! HUNK! KRAUSER! ADA WAIT! CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS! NUUUUU!"

**HERE COMES...DR. AL!**

"I'm not-!"

**Starring! Dr. Al!**

**Rated X for sexual content, this review is not intended as medical advice...**

_**Little girl: He ate my teddy bear and I peed myself!**_

_**Barry: I THINK HE WAS KILLED BY A CROW OR SOMETHING SANDWICH!**_

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><p><strong>AN: **And that is exactly what sleep deprivation and too many cigarettes gets you.

Umm...I'm not sure if you should review this or not?...I don't even know what I just did lol.

Hasta la bye bye!


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